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On MSN with Heff:
Yves: "and you say words shorter and shoved into a certain amount of time. our words are enunciated"
Heffy [>K·§·A<] says: "you know who else enunciates words thoroughly? retards. just because we’re talented enough to process sentences compressed into single words, is no cause to be ashamed, canadian"
"I went to the restaurant, placed my order and justice was served." (Ken after having a well-deserved speeding ticket dismissed in Traffic Court)
"I actually listened to the words of the song 'Birthday Sex', it's actually a very dirty song." (Vincent P.)
"One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced one another, drew their swords and they shot each other. The deaf policeman, he heard the noise. He came, and he killed, those two dead boys." (Kizza's facebook Status)
"People are bored with global warming, it's been done, next comes nuclear winter." (Ken)
"If you have sex with a hooker and you don't pay, is it considered rape or shop-lifting?" :::a little while later someone says::: "I think it's considered taking a sample."
"The car is just a symptom of a greater problem. What are you doing with your life?" (My father's response when I told him I got in a car accident)
"Why do I brush my teeth before I go to bed and when I wake up? I didn't eat when I was sleeping!!!" (John C Mayer)
"Human race has beat extinction for eons only to be snuffed by Piglet" (Tweet by Kevin Smith)
"And it originated from Mexico so don't let any Mexicans spit in your mouth." (Angela, while talking about Swine Flu)
::In a conversation about why Christians are so happy::
gramma - "Mmm....64 slices of American cheese." says:
that's only because they refuse to face reality
they believe that god will solve everything and all they need is god and all that
but god won't
he's probably just up there laughing at them
kinda like a terrorist with his hostages
no that's not right...more like someone's that's supposed to help the hostages but is actually working with the terrorists
that's better
"It'd be like 'Hey Mike, I used to be a he-she'," Yvonne starts. "And now I'm just a Shishi." Shishi finishes.
"Fuck bottled water. No one has ever seen a fucking spring! There is no fucking spring! There's a couple in Cincinnati sitting in a bathtub filling those fuckers!" (Alex)
"I have to move to Africa and get raped by men until I get AIDS. I have NO OTHER CHOICE!" (Alex in making fun of Alison's way of thinking)
"It's kinda sad when a 3 year old on a tri-cycle can do more than the U.S. Government." (Kyle Swalm)
"I'll prepare for zig zag and zoom and trump your ass like Donald. Then I'll cut ya." a text message from Jon after he was told a quote from Gilmore Girls.
(When you think I'll zig I'll zag, then when you think I'm gonna zag, I do zag! Just to mess you up for the next time when I might zig!)
"I bail you out so often, I feel like the United States government." (My daddy said to me)
"Your dad will talk in that weird Australian-New Zealand accent and say why are you bringing that back?--*baah*" (Yvonne)
"Wait. It takes 24 hours for the world to go around?" Bobo says. "Yea, it's called a day? Idiot." Yvonne replies.
"That's one big block of ugly." Mike says to Shishi in reference to S***
"You're supposed to suck dick like you eat a popsicle." Nikki says. "I bite my popsicles, and chew them." Yvonne replies.
"I think he got diabetes because he's so fat." Shishi says. "You're so sweet, stop it." Yvonne replies.
"You have really small teeth, the entire time I was talking to you I was just starring them because like you're mouth is so big, but your teeth are so small." (A cashier at Tim Horton's who works with Bobo, said this to a customer.)
"If you commit suicide, you're going to hell for the rest of your life." (Paulina)
"Sometimes all I wanna be is a missing person." (Aimee)
"I can't think when you're telling me to." (Angela)
"That's what I hate about the cold, it just rapes you in every possible way. You're not even ready for it, it's just like 'Damn! I don't know you like that!" Yvonne says. "You say the weirdest things." Angela responds.
"A baby isn't the same thing as an ego; you can't eat an ego." (Jon)
"One day I'm gonna blow these nuts right out of my mouth." (CJ)
::in a text message:: You know what would be great? If for one day life could just be easy or like not suck a big one. :: Yvonne sends to Shishi. ::cell phone rings (Shishi calling Yvonne):: Why do you hate the world now?.
I wish I didn't have to go to work because I was going to England, but I don't have to go to work because I don't have a job. (Yvonne)
"What's worse than a burn victim? A burn victim with AIDS because he got raped in the ass." (Jon)
"I'm going find a burn victim, tie him up, and rape him in the ass." (Jon inducing a catch phrase from CJ)
"It's not spelled 'A-M-Y'? I feel lied to. -Jeahnahthoughn" (Jon upon finding how the spelling of Aimee)
"I would punch myself in the stump." (Jon when discussing how to deal with Phantom Limb Pain)
"I was about to do something on the internet, and now I forgot." Angela says. "HA!" Yvonne replies. "This is somehow your fault, you said Katt Williams too much."
"It was like Twilight, but *good*. Not better. Just good." (Angela)
"This is reflection time. That means no talking out loud." Prof says. "We all need to learn sign language... NOW!" Jon says while Prof is speaking.
::Cher comes on the radio:: "Your brother likes Cher." Dad states matter-of-factly. "So did Jack." Yvonne replies, also matter-of factly.
"I tip based on cup size." (Nick)
"My friend dad, Shishi?" Yvonne says to her father with annoyance. "Why do you call her 'Shishi'?" he responds. "Because of her last name." "How do you get 'Shishi' out of her last name? Melissa Romano?" "It's SHImano, dad, she's Japanese?" "What does that mean?" "You thought my best friend was Asian with an Italian last name?" "Could happen."
"So, where do you want to go for your going away party?" Yvonne asks Angela. ::Angela stares off into the abyss for a while:: "How will I know what I'll feel like eating then," ::takes a breathe, looks around:: "Now?" Angela replies.
"I'm not racist; I like soy sauce." (Shishi's co-worker)
::slaps Yvonne's face with piece of paper:: ::she looks up and gives dirty look:: "Yea, I'm looking for a fight; got one?" (Jon)
Matthew and I can't share a car; we can barely handle sharing parents. (Yvonne)
I have to pee like a Chihuahua on crack. (Bobo)
"You know how people are always saying, well, my dad is always saying 'School is not a fashion show.'?" asks Yvonne to Angela. " That's what my mom used to say to *me*!" she replies. "Well, that's a lie! School *is* fashion show cause if you're not wearing the right thing, then you're LOSER!" "That was *me* too!" Angela exclaims.
::after realizing that Bobo plucked his eyebrows:: "You know, Matthew, there's this show called 'Will and Grace', I didn't like that other guy, but Will--" my dad starts. "Um, Dad, I think that Bobo is more like Jack." "Oh, no. Matthew why can't you be more like Will? What did Jack do for a living?"
::really excitedly Yvonne tells Angela:: "Oh my god! This is really interesting. I read this on a Bulk Barn bag, 'The plastic used in this bag will convert to water, carbon dioxide, and biomass in the presence of soil, moisture and oxygen. Like a fallen leaf, it will disappear over time.' Wow." ::Long Silence:: "Can you hear the crickets? I think a tumbleweed just blew by." "WOW! That was mean."
As long as I'm alive when I wake up. (Shishi)
"President Bush, what do you think about the problem in Darfur?" "If you get on the horse you gotta ride it." (Kat Williams mocking Bush in "It's Pimpin' Pimpin")
"My dad listens to the Oldies, because like, he's old." (Shishi)
"You mean to tell me that they can find Saddam Hussien in a hole in Iraq, but they can't find the people who killed Tupac?! They found Saddam in IRAQ! Tupac was killed in LAS VEGAS!! ON THE MOTHERFUCKIN' STRIP!!" (Chris Rock)
There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in pie. Meat pie. (Jon)
"Mom, are your eyes open?" Shishi asks Mrs. Shimano, "I don't know. Why?" Mrs. Shimano replies. "Yvonne wants to know."
"I'm going to die. Oh my God! I'm going to die." Shishi repeats over and over while waiting for the Go Bus to Ajax. "I'm crying can you see the tears?" "Yes, I can." Yvonne says through laughter. "The tears are cold! Oh my God! I'm going to die! ... Bus?"
"She's so self-absorbed she's practically autistic." I Lucifer quote.
"I feel homosexual." Greg says during walk to subway with Yvonne. "And how exactly does that feel?" Yvonne asks. "It feels, gay." Greg replies.
"Mommy, I will never stop believing in Santa. I love presents way too much!" (Serena aged 6, to my sister-in-law)
"Will you still be my friend when I only have one nipple?" Yvonne asks Angela. "I don't care how many nipples you have." Angela replies. "You're a good friend." Yvonne says.
I'm just saying that if I get this job, it's because I prayed. (Shishi)
*I'm sorry, but I find it truly humourous. Not just the praying part but that Shishi later goes on to explain that she "reasoned with God" as to why she deserves "his" help.
"You can get pink-eye from lots of things; like if you pick your nose and then touch your eye." Yvonne informs Angela. "Your own nose?! Really?" Angela asks.
"I'm getting sick, and Kizza has pink-eye." Yvonne tells Angela over phone. "What heck?! Should you two even be coming to this thing? Shouldn't you like, get your rest?" Angela replies. "Pink-eye doesn't make you tired." Yvonne says with a chuckle. "I don't know what it is, but I don't wanna look at it!" Angela declares.
"Whatever you LOVE me; I ROCK" Yvonne types to Greg "Only in your own little world." Greg replies "And in yours, its okay you can admit, I'll keep your secret." Yvonne tells Greg. "In my world you don't even exist." Greg informs her. "That's because I'm GOD; LMAO." (Yvonne and Greg; random convo)
"So they pull out their knife, and you whip out your baseball bat, like 'Yea, let's see who survives this.'?" (Angela)
There is nothing you can do that I have not already done to myself. says:
"Fine, you can stay the night as long as you cook me dinner, and there is a full breakfast, bacon included, ready when I wake up. And you sleep on the living room floor. My couch is fucked up enough as it is without someone sleeping on it." (Jon)
Put the knife down, or I swear to God, I'm going to rape you. (Jon)
I kinda wanna flick your cats nuts to see if it wriths in pain. (Jon)
"I kinda wanna through a cupcake at your cat." Jon says to Shishi. "Do you have a cupcake?" "No."
"It means I'm too lazy to give you a real answer, so let it go. Take it as it is, and leave it alone." Angela explains. ::Bursts of Laughter:: "That answer was longer than a yes or no answer! Ridiculous!" Yvonne says.
I think I'm falling for what's his name? Andrew. (The Beast)
I feel like a flake of pepper in the salt shaker, and Angela is the rice at the bottom that absorbs the moisture. (Yvonne)
"I'll miss you man, but on the brighthand side, it rains alot there." Yvonne says to Angela. "Apparently it doesn't snow there." Angela replies. "Yea, but rain gets all over and you get all wet pruny." "Who the heck is staying the rain that long to get all pruny? I don't even stay in the shower that long!"
I have pink eye, that binds us for life. (Kizza)
Just like the word lesbian reminds me of a dirty lizard. (Shishi, while explaining how words remind her of random things.)
So wait, you're inviting me over, Thanksgiving weekend, Sunday night, for liquidy pizza? (Angela)
Yvonne, my favourite letter is Q because it's always followed by 'you'. (CJ)
"Just because you think that people are out to get you doesn't make it not true." Jon says to Prof. Alexa "But that wouldn't make you delusional; that would make you George Bush."
"Do rapists have standards?" (Jon)
"I swear if I get shot; I'm not forgiving you." (Jon while walking with Yvonne through Scarborough)
"Do you eat?" asks Shishi's Aunt. "Yes" "Alot?" "Yes" "Do you throw up after?"
"How do you feel about your friend Yvonne coming over to your house to play with your Wii?" Yvonne asks Jon. "I'm sorry; I have a girlfriend."
::while waiting for Cinnabons to be boxed:: "He's making a fresh one for you. He's gonna put the pecans on for you. Do you feel special?" Yvonne says to Kizza. "He's Black." she replies.
"When we were young my sister and I would hold pillows over eachothers faces to see who could hold their breathe longer." says Angela. "What is WRONG with you?!" replies Yvonne.
"You have two balls on your ankles. Your ankles ARE balls!!!" (Angela)
"If I had penis we'd have sex; I do have a penis, but it's at home in my drawer." (Alanna)
"I hate life; its such a waste of time." (Yvonne talking to Shishi)
"Wow! That's alot of pee!" (Random Woman in the Ladies Washroom)
"Some people are going to screw you over, but it's not the end of the world. If they didn't steal your money, burn down your house and kill your unborn child, then I'd say that's pretty good." Shishi says over the phone to Yvonne.
I can't have kids?! What? Man up! Take out that uterus! (Yvonne)
I carry hair brushes with me all the time!! ::pauses:: My hands!! (Jon)
"But you're like 20." Angela says to Yvonne. "Nobody knows that until right now." "It's kinda embarrassing when the person that opens the door is younger than you." (When talking about Yvonne going trick-or-treating)
"Have you ever seen someone so sexy that you wanted to strangle a mountain ox with your bare hands?" (Angela asks during the silence of inventory)
"You're not real friends until you snort cocaine off each others butts." (Jon)
::whispers:: with the grasshopper friend? (Yvonne)
::silence in a crowded class::
Jimmeny *FUCKING* Cricket!!!! (Jon)
::bursts of laughter::
::in a text:: "Would you rather date a crazy ugly smelly man, or *****? (Yvonne sends to Greg)
::reply:: I'd rather commit suicide
"Do Mexicans speak spanish?" (Kizza)
It didn't feel like my birthday, it was like finding a grey hair. Like "Hello, whatcha doin' there? I think you're lost." (Kizza)
"I vomited, because I couldn't burp" (Shishi)
"What if it's just a ploy to ambush us?" Angela asks with a semi-straight face. "Ambush us and do what?" Yvonne asks somewhat curious. "Beat them up." "What?!" "You don't know how those anti-gays think!"
"The method is the meat" (Ben Wu)
"My milk will last 4 weeks, hers will last a month." (Greg)
"How are people that work with addictions consumers?" (CJ)
"My vagina hurts." (Jon)
While holding numbers up: "I can spell" (Kizza)
"What's one thing you'd like to live long enough to see invented?" Yvonne asks Angela. "I don't have that kind of imagination." Angela replies straight faced.
"Will we die happy?" Yvonne asks Angela in passing. "No, and you can quote this: you won't die happy, but you'll be happy you're dying." Angela says later.
"Whoa! When did I get three balls?!" Greg yells out while playing Pinball.
"Ew! I'm going to wake up and be like why is the bed sheet stuck to me?" Yvonne says, "No, it'd be more like, 'Why am I pregnant?'" Kirralee says. "That'd be funny," Greg replies.
"Tomatoes are fruits," Jon says in agreeance with Yvonne. "They are?" Greg asks. "Yea, now you and tomatoes have something in common."
"I don't want to be one of those old people who's know for shitting their pants." says Kirralee. "So don't shit your pants." replies Yvonne.
"I don't think that's true, because sometimes drivers are really nice and they tell me that I'm number one, but they always do it with the wrong finger." (my Daddy)
"I never fall, why am I falling?" Random dude to his friend, Jon from a distance "If you never fall, why are you on the ground?"
"If this was a shit giving contest, I couldn't." (Jon)
"On the topic of abortion, how do you feel about cookies?" (Random websites question for "getting to know your friends")
"The wood hurts my hips" says Greg. "I didn't think that a little wood would hurt you." replies Jon. "Big wood does." Greg says. "Big wood and lots of rails." says Jon.
"Whoa what are those? Don't tell me they're your toes!" (Ben)
::while on a smelly very awkwardly quiet ikea bus:: ::in a text message to Yvonne from Jon:: ::Yvonne seated beside a little old black lady:: "the lady to your left is a cold blooded killa" ::laughter breaks the silence::
::while in the Children's area of Indigo:: "You know what's depressing? Finding out there is no Santa Clause" ::there was a child around the corner:: "I just thought it was a a short Filipino woman." (Jon)
"Okay so if you get raped just call me and say 'Peach Punch' and then call the police." (Yvonne)
::in a text message:: "hey how's it going with your-- AHHH....PEACH PUNCH!!" (Angela)
"There is no "I" in team but there is a me, and I'm not doing that" (Yvonne)
"Remember to get home safe, and if you get raped use a condom." (Yvonne)
Gabby says somewhat thoughtfully; "So...what are you going to do? Avoid dark alleys now?" Yvonne bursts into laughter and replies: "Yes. Yes I am. Thanks for asking."
"I feel old" (Yvonne age 20) "You are pretty old" (Angela age 25) "Thanks man, thanks because sometimes when I'm down I like to be kicked" (Yvonne) "You like your wounds salted" (Angela)
"Yes you can, it would just attach itself to the Fallopian tubes." says Yvonne. "THAT IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS!!" says Angela. "WHAT?!"
Do you fear for your life at night? (Angela)
"I just thought that he would push it, with like, his Man Strength." silence.. "What!?!" (Gabby with an Yvonne response)
"Pull down your pants! I don't understand your belt buckle." (Yvonne)
"That baby keeps looking at me," Yvonne says to Angela. Angela squints over at baby. "Stop giving that baby dirty looks!" "Why? That's what I'd be doing to my kids everyday."
"Hey Bobo! Ranger Dan said we can't keep eating those picanic baskets!" Yvonne says. "First of all, its Booboo, and why are you complaining?" replies Angela.
"I like reading my own quotes;" says Angela "Why?" asks Yvonne "Cause they're funny they remind me of what happened."
"I like chocolate milk; it's like hot chocolate but cold" (Serena age 6)
"What do they need glow in the dark condoms for anyways?" asks Yvonne "So when people turn out the lights they don't mistake it for like a bedpost or something." Gabby says. Yvonne replies with laughing "Trust me Gabby, that doesn't happen."
Man with a heavy Jamaican accent holds a ball in his hand looks it over and says: "The new toys are too complicated for me." Another man says "You throw it up in the air.." Jamaican man says "I only run on the pentium 2 processor, I need an upgrade."
Just get Gabby to attack him and then you'll need to keep him safe.. Just be like "I'll protect you with my vagina."
"OH!! Look Dr. Feelgood Lipgloss!" Yvonne says
"Dr. Phil has a lipgloss?!?!?!" Angela says.
"Well, I'm ready whenever you are, Fraisas and I are ready to go mobile anytime. You get it? Cause she is mobile? You get it? You get it? You don't get it. You get it?" said Yvonne laughing and messaging with her blackberry named Fraisas.
"Do you wanna get a punch in the face?" replies her mother.
"We are all gonna die at some point, what does it matter if you do it with an extra leg?" while speaking to Benjamin about GM foods.
"That's why I'm a little dull" (Angela) {inside quote}
"You liked to be poked, everybody does." (Kyle Swalm) "That's not true." (Yvonne) "Of course it is, you just have to be poked in the right places"(Kyle)
"Can you see me?" asks Yvonne while standing at the front of the house
"See you where?" asks Gabby on the phone, while inside the house
"Through the window! You retard!" replies Yvonne.
